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Monday, May 19, 2014

Birchbox Man May 2014: True to GOOD FORM

(Guest Post by my handsome and hilarious boyfriend Jonathan, Enjoy!)

Hello again. 

Despite my somewhat ineloquent grasp of written communication, I’ve been asked to guest review the contents of this month’s Birchbox Man!  Whether this is because my review was actually good or not is left to be determined.  In any case, I am indeed a MAN and therefore meet the minimum qualifications required to review this month’s man-box.  

The items collected in this box are as follows:

A vial of Histories de Parfums’ 1969 themed cologne which smells a lot like a used record store that also happens to sell “waterpipes” for “tobacco”.  This pleasantly mellow musk will make you want to put on some tie-dye, listen to some Hendrix, and seriously consider moving to Canada to dodge the draft (and also, like, how love is, like, everywhere, man, if you just look hard enough).  At $125 for a full-size bottle, it’s way more expensive than what an actual hippie would pay, especially when you consider how much weed that could buy in 1969!

A tube of COOLA Environmental Repair Plus Radical Recovery After-Sun Lotion.  For the REAL MANLY MAN who would rather get sun poisoning than wear some sissy sunblock!  I haven’t gotten much use from it yet since the longest I’ve been outside recently was when I got stuck behind a confused, elderly woman at Redbox.  But it’s a smooth and soothing cream that moisturizes without feeling oily.  I’m sure it’ll come in handy on those summer days when I either forget to put sunscreen on or can’t find a friendly stranger to rub it on for me.

PRORASO Shave Cream
If you’ve ever wanted the feel of an old-fashioned shave without the pain of using a Straight Razor, then this shaving cream is for you!  A little dab lathers up nicely and smells like an upscale barbershop (the kind that businessmen go to).  Leaves a nice, clean shave that feels like I just shaved with my grandfather’s shaving kit (except this time my face isn’t all sliced up).

Bread & Boxers Boxer Briefs
Despite it’s name, bread did not come with this particular pair of boxer briefs.  Made of organic cotton, this comfortable and stylish underwear will keep your boys in place until it’s time to let ‘em loose.  While the front panel shows off my package nicely, I failed to realize that these briefs were fly-less until the most inopportune time.    

32 Oral Care, LLC Effervescent Breath Treatment
Pop Rocks....but for adults!  The ordinary (boring) packaging makes it look like something you’d find in the toothpaste aisle of a pharmacy.  Taste good but kind of overpriced (pack of 15-60 will cost you anywhere from $9.99 to $29.50, yikes!).  Flavors included; Honey Mint, Lemon Mint, Peppermint, and Spearmint.  Don’t drink with soda.

Bicycle Robocycle Playing Cards
How do robots unwind after a long day of serving/enslaving mankind?  By heading over to R2-D2’s place for poker night of course!  This clever twist on the classic deck of cards features a retro-futuristic design that’ll make a simple game of war look like a scene from Terminator!  So if you’re into Steampunk and enjoy an analog game of solitaire, this deck’s for you!

Oh, yeah, and there’s a poster.

Altogether, this Birchbox was the best one I’ve ever had and am quite impressed by the variety of high-quality products for today’s modern man.    

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